Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize