If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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