where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize