life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
