break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
