The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
