she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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