My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
