the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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