Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
