I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
