doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
