Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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