why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
