Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
