Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
