Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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