Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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