Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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