She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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