Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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