yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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