Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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