Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
