I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
