The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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