i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
