yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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