I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
