i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
