I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
