Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
