shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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