new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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