Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
