you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
