I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
