It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
