When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
