Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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