well you can't waste a boner
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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