It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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