My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
