I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize