he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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