dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize