fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
its liver damage thursday
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