fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
