I wish I could teleport
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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