I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
