so explain again why im purple
no
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
