Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
