and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize