mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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