I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
