You really coming over, don't trick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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