When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
