Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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