I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
