I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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