Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
