Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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