im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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