dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
